How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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One afternoon Paddy and Mick were having a pint at a pub across from a brothel. For the craic, they sat in the front so they could watch the comings and goings across the street. The two lads were shocked when a Presbyterian minister walked into the brothel.
"Begod," says Paddy, "that's a shame to see a man of the cloth going bad!"
A while later a Jewish rabbi walked into the brothel.
"Ah," says Mick, "wouldja lookit that! Tis a shame to see the Jews giving in to temptation as well!"
More time passed and a Catholic priest walked into the brothel. Both men sat up in their bar stools with concern. Paddy turned to Mick and says in a whisper -
"Didja see that, Mick? One of them girls must be on her feckin deathbed!"

[layback40]

I hear diarrhoea is hereditary...
It runs in your Jeans.

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A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client, "Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right." Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?" The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

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paddy is sitting trying to catch fish through the ice when he hears a loud booming voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE"paddy says"be-jesus holy mother of christ is dat you yorself ther god?
the voice booms back" NO YOU THICK IRISH ******* ITS THE ICE RINK MANAGER!"..

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Just had a parcel from Holland.....When i opened it, it was a rubber fanny!I thought,thats nice twolips from Amsterdam.

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A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.

Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.

After the wedding, the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious, so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.

While she was in the bathroom, she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed, "Oh no, it's short, pink and wrinkled!"

Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"

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My wife woke up and told me, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace.
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What do you think it means??"
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"You'll know tonight" I said.
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That evening, I come home with a small package and gave it to the wife.
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Delighted, she opens it and finds...
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..
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A book titled "The Meaning of Dreams!