2010 CRD Auto here. The diesel is awesome once you have the engine and transmission temps under control.
Mine has 35's and it does heat up driving in stop start traffic even with a lot of cooling mods.
I probably wouldn't want a wife to use it as a daily driver, you can tell the engine just doesn't like that sort of thing. Get it warmed up properly and it'll purr along all day loaded to the brim. Put it on a trail/beach however and it's amazing.
It sounds like a 2012+ auto rubi will suit you and the wife well, it'll take 33's comfortably (4.11 diffs) and a 33 inch spare can be mounted to the rear door without too much hassle and shouldn't damage it. a 35 will require a tyre arm or a mismatched spare. The wife will probably like the newer interior.
I would recommend a simple 2 inch shock and springs lift. Get fox or bilstein shocks and maybe some flexi coil springs from murchison products
I just fitted airbags in my rear coils, $300 or so and they allow me to have soft suspension for daily use. but i can load up and increase the pressures to level out. they're one of my fave mods and reasonably priced. These will let you pack up and use the jeep for trips
If you want to swap out the ugly front bar, look for a light weight product that wont cause your front springs to sag. Maybe add some nice LED headlights early on too like JW Speakers. That way they average out over the life of the jeep
Those mods will give you and the wife a great jeep to use as a daily driver but something with amazing capability off road as well
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