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  #4057  
Old 12-07-2015
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Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then, mate."
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  #4058  
Old 12-07-2015
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Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. 'I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.'
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eye brows and stared at her. The older woman finally said... 'Well, will you look at that...
I'm getting a fax!!..
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  #4059  
Old 12-07-2015
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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs!!..
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  #4060  
Old 12-07-2015
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I'm thinking about going out tonight...I haven't seen those blurry people that ask me how much I've had to drink for awhile!!..
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  #4061  
Old 12-07-2015
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My neighbour who is a psychiatrist keeps his wife under the bed,
He thinks she is a little potty.
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  #4062  
Old 12-07-2015
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An attractive lady and an old man are sitting next to each other on a bus, the following conversation takes place.
Lady: Can you help me get something off my tits please?
Old man: Yeah sure it would be my pleasure, what is it?
Lady: Your f@rkin eyes!!..
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  #4063  
Old 13-07-2015
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My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some ********ing Diet Pills..!
P.S. - I'm still looking for a place to live.
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  #4064  
Old 13-07-2015
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Viagra have just released a new pill called 007
It doesn't make you James Bond,but it does make you Roger Moore..
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