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I've just bought a new dog, a golden labrador called Willy.
I don't even like dogs, I just like asking girls if they'd like to stroke my Willy.
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An Irish man went to confession in St Patrick's Catholic Church.
'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession... I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go and say three Hail Mary's'
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional.
'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'
This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'
'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous red-headed woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she walked up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly, just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'
The altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply
'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'
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  #7883  
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i havnt been the same since my wife left me, i used to be a right miserable bastard.
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  #7884  
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A guy and his wife are about to have sex when a bee flies into the room. Just as she opens her legs, the bee flies into her pussy and gets stuck. So her husband drives her to the hospital.
The doctor says to the guy, "I have a plan but I'll only do it if you agree to it."
The guy says "OK, as long as she is safe."
So the doctor puts some honey on his dick and sticks it into her pussy. The guy asks "why are you doing that?" The doctor replies "the bee will come to my dick and when it lands, I will pull it out slowly."
"It's not coming. I better go deeper!" The doctor went deeper and deeper. He began shafting the woman hard and seemed to be enjoying himself. The woman began to cry loudly, "AHH OHH AHH OHH MOTHER FUCKER! THANK YOU!" The doctor started fucking her like crazy. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THAT!?" roared the husband. The doctor replied, "Changed my mind. I'm gonna drown the bastard!!!"
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  #7885  
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A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes.
"Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell3," and they began to screw.
After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4."
"What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband.
"More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"
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  #7886  
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How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iphone and charge
a $1500 for it.🤔
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  #7887  
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SING IT GIRLS!
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified!
When you said you had 10 inches, lord I almost died.
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long,
that I grew strong...
and knew that I could take you on
BUT THERE YOU ARE
Another lie
I was ready for a Big Mac and you brought me a French Fry,
I should have known that it was bullshit,
just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in your jeans,
Go on now go....walk out the door!
don't you promise me 10 inches and then give me only 4!
You are such a prat to think that I wouldn't find it out,
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count?
I will survive,
I will survive!
As long as I have all my batteries,
my sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex
with a handful of latex!
I will survive
I will survive!
HEY HEY!...
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  #7888  
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Our lass rang me on my mobile today and said, "Where the fuck are you?"
"Can you remember that jewellery shop we looked in on Tuesday?" I asked. "The one that had those earrings you really liked in the window."
"Yes, she said, in a much more cheerful tone.
"Well, I'm in the pub next door."
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