How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too.
A dick rising to power!!..

[layback40]

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trecking across the Antartic.
Paramedics said he could have done with another coat!!..

[layback40]

In my act as a street magician, I line up women, blindfold them then rub their tits menacingly before running off.
More fool them for trusting David Cop a Feel..

[layback40]

Paddy is fitting a kitchen in a posh house when the woman asks him if he'd like something to drink. Paddy accepts and soon after the woman brings him a mug of coffee. "Excellent coffee, to be sure," says Paddy. "Thank you," says the woman. "My husband brought it back from Brazil." "That's great," says Paddy, "and it's still warm as well."..

[layback40]

We've got a stunning blonde started at our office and I heard rumors she wanted to give me one.
Unfortunately when I approached her I found out it was out of ten!!..

[layback40]

Irish Bus Thieves: Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.' 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.' 'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate. They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have ye not found one yet?' 'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye t'ick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!!..

[layback40]

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
Observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off
He asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied,
Still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops,
And then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park;
The Death Slide, the Corkscrew,
The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there Was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a Mc Donald's
Where he ordered her a Happy Meal
With extra fries and a chocolate shake..
Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favorite sweets......M&M's..
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you tw@t!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it f@rkin Wrong.