How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Annoy Spec Savers staff by wandering up to their counter squinting your eyes whilst looking up at their price list.

When they ask if they can help you say, "Big Mac meal please!

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The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new Doctor told her To bring a list Of
all the medicines that had been prescribed for Her.
As The young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide As he
realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control Pills..
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL
Pills?
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in These that
that could possibly help you
sleep!"
She reached out and Patted the young Doctor's knee...."Yes, dear, I
know that. But every morning,
I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year
old Granddaughter drinks ..
And believe me, it definitely helps me sleep at night."
You gotta Love Grandmas!!..

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A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said,
"The food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife: Honey.....you always say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!..

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A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon. He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!!..

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In an attempt to boost our flagging relationship, my wife suggested that we go to a restaurant seperately and pretend we had not met each other before.
It was a disaster.
When I got there, she came up to me and asked me to buy her a drink.
"******** off you fat cow, I am trying to score tonight" was apparently not the response she was expecting!!..

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The light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ......

I assumed you had stolen the car.''

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I got back from my St John's ambulance training today. My wife asked me how it went.
"I'm struggling with some of the techniques, not sure if I'll pass the test tomorrow" I replied.
"Why don't you practice on me?" she said.
So I stabbed her twice and then tried to stop the bleeding!!..