How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says, "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."
The second bull says, "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
The third bull says, "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says, "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
The second bull says, "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says, "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The third bull says, "Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

[layback40]

One day, a blonde and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, "I can't take anymore today, I am going home!"

The blonde replies, "You can't just get up and leave. You'll be fired!".

"Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea." the guy says and leaves the room.

The blonde finishes her lunch and heads back into work, to see her co-worker hanging upside down from the ceiling, yelling over and over, "I'm a light bulb!".

The owner hears this and comes down. He takes one look at the guy, hanging upside down, yelling he is a light bulb, and sends him home for the rest of the day, with pay, so he can rest, because he has obviously been working to hard.

The guy gets down off the ceiling, thanks the owner and leaves.

The blonde turns around and starts to leave. The owner yells to her, "Hey where the heck do you think you are going?"

The blonde replies, "I'm going home. You can't expect me to work in the dark!"

[layback40]

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

The other day when she went horseback riding.

Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground.

Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.

[layback40]

Congratulations to my wife who reached a new culinary milestone today by setting off the neighbours' smoke alarm!..

[layback40]

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, darling," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

[layback40]

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a policeman was interrupted by a little first grader.

Looking at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," he replied and continued writing his report.

"My mother says if I ever need help, I should ask the police. Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," he said.

"Well, then," she said, extending her foot, "would you please tie my shoe?"

[layback40]

Whoever said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,"
obviously hasn't called their missus a lazy fucker.