 |
|
23-07-2013
|
 |
Full Flexer
|
|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Ipswich
Age: 56
Posts: 504 What Jeep do I drive?: TJ
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
|
|
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
__________________
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM'
|
23-07-2013
|
 |
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
Youngest Son: Dad, whats d diff between 'hypothetically' & 'reality'?
Dad turns to wife: Would u sleep with Tom Cruis for 1 million?
Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity.
Then Dad asks daughter: Would u sleep with Tom Cruis for 1 Million?
Daughter: Yes He s my fantasy!
Dad asks elder son: Would u sleep with, Tom Cruis for 1 million?
Elder Son: Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money!
Father turns to his younger son: You see son, 'Hypothetically' we r sitting with 3 millionaires,
but in 'Reality' we r living with 2 prostitutes & 1 gay Bastard!!!!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
23-07-2013
|
 |
SwampDigger
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Blue mountains, West of Hell
Posts: 3,765 What Jeep do I drive?: JK
Likes: 1,481
Liked 540 Times in 399 Posts
|
|
How tuff are Aussie Blokes? Well this one isn't tuff enough to want to buy the City of Detroit on eBay for USD7.50!
And they don't quote shipping to Australia in the ad!
__________________
Jeeps: Lego for grownups!
|
23-07-2013
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".
"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.
"In the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".
“That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
24-07-2013
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a
Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
24-07-2013
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
|
Dear all,
Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it.
I was in a Coffee Club recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me….
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod…
This is what happens when old people start using technology!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
24-07-2013
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
Two old guys talking: One said to the other: "My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV"
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup. … Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is On
|
|
|
|
All times are GMT +10. The time now is 06:03 PM.
|
|
|
|
Advertisements
|
|
|
