How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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They say your first car is as memorable as your first kiss
Mine was an old banger that stank of piss,
Can't think what the car was though

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Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend.
On the way home they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name,
"Polo, I'm the one with the hole," she said.
"I'm the one with the nuts," he thought, then he touched her Milky Way.
They checked into a hotel and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks, then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.
Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was quite pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge, then he gave her a boost.
It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his king size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he needed a Time Out. However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper.
Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly, he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett who apparently had Allsorts!

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A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times."

"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side."

"You know what?"

"What, dear?" his wife asked gently.

"I think you are bad luck."

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Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade."

[layback40]

A Hell's Angel is in front of a church trying to kick-start his Harley, but it just won't start and he is cursing and swearing so loudly that the vicar comes out.
"My son," says the vicar, "swearing like that is a terrible abomination. Why don't you try praying to the Lord?"
The Hell's Angel kneels down: "Dear Lord, please have mercy on me and make my motorcycle start."
And all of a sudden, the motorcycle starts up.
"Well," says the vicar, "f@rk me sideways, that's never worked for me!!..

[layback40]

Irishman walks into a builder's merchant. "Can I have 25,000 house bricks and two square feet of steel mesh?"
Assistant. "What do you want all those bricks for?"
Irishman. "I'm building a barbecue".
Assistant. "You don't need all those bricks to build a barbecue".
Irishman. "I do, I live on the 18th floor"

[layback40]

I was reading the newspaper today and it said statistically people have sex on advarage 89 times a year . This is fantastic news looks like I'm in for a wild November and December then !