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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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I went up to the most stunning girl in a nightclub last night and asked "wanna come back to mine for a good time?"
She retorted "F@rk off, the only way I'd go back to yours was if you spiked my drink"
The look on her face when she woke up next to me in bed this morning was absolutely priceless ...
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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I was on the London Underground today when some Muslim left his bag on the train.
The cheeky ******** just screamed in terror when I ran after him to give it back! 
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, transvestite.
All he does is eat, drink and be Mary!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Wow, " said my wife after sex, "that's the longest you've ever lasted, what have you done? "
"It's what you've done, " I replied, "moving you're sisters picture out of the bedroom was genius. "
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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THE PARABLE OF THE JEWISH SAMURAI :
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai ”?
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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SENIOR SEX
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Paddy says to Mick "Oi've got sometin' stuck in me throat and oi can't breath properly!"
Mick says "Are yer choakin?"
Paddy replies "No, I'm fookin serious!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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