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21-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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My boss called me today and said, "Where the hell are you?"
I said, "I'm relaxing in the garden with my mate Dave. I'm already on my fourth can of lager."
"I don't ********ing believe you!" he shouted.
"Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me. "Dave, isn't this my fourth can?"
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blowjobs and smoking weed.
She was known as oral high Jean!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Man applies for a chefs position in a top restaurant in London. the manager asks him "Fry me an egg".. The man places a frying pan on the cooker, places two gash bins either side of the frying pan, throws an egg up in the air, and bounces it off both shoulders, keeps it in the air like a footballer does with a ball for five minutes then head butts it, it cracks the egg, the shell goes either side of the frying pan into the gash bins, and the egg falls into the pan unbroken, then he fries the egg... The manager says, "Can I bring the staff down so they can see what you have just done" The staff gather around and the man goes through the same routine, to a rapturous applause....... "Do I get the job" the man asks, the manager says, "No you f##k about to much!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Guy- the names Bond
Girl- James Bond?
Guy-no uni-bond,im here to fill your crack!...
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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next time your wife or girlfriend comes at you with a knife ,hand her some ham and a bread roll ! her instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich !!!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
21-05-2015
|
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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When I was a kid, we all played Spin the bottle. A girl would Spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a penny.
By the time I was 16 I owned my own f##kin house!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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22-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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How to cheer up in easy steps:
Whisper “Beep Boob” to yourself.
Alternatively; plug your nose, and try and say “Sneep Snop”
Or, try and say “Bubbles” in the angriest voice you can.
Repeat until not sad.
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied “My husband’s cheque book”
Q: What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf? A: Decalfinated!
Q: What do you call a mad elephant? A: An earthquake.
Q: What is a shark’s favorite sandwich? A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Q: Where are sharks from? A: Finland.
Q: What is King Arthur’s favorite fish? A: A swordfish
Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket? A: He made an illegal ewe turn.
Q: What does an octopus wear when it gets cold? A: A coat of arms.
Q: What kind of dog always runs a fever? A: A hot dog!
Q: What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school? A: Bison!
Q: What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass. A: A cow on a skateboard.
Q: Why don’t bears wear shoes? A: What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet!
Q: What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths? A: A shampoodle!
Q: What does a calf become after its 1 year old? A: 2 years old.
Q: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck? A: Because his feet stink!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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