How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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A Girl was towelling her wet pussy.
She enjoyed it so much that she began to rub it vigorously until...

...the pussy cried "Meow" and runs away.
Moral Lessons
1. Be kind to Animals
2. Always keep your thoughts clean...

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I remember being really scared at an old bed and breakfast I stayed at once.
The old woman showed me to my room, and assured me that she'd never seen a ghost in all the time she'd worked there.
I said, "How long have you been here?"
She said, "300 years!!..

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I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam idiots on eBay'.
That was 3 months ago, and it's still not arrived yet!...

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Coz I'm a bloke.....

"Coz I'm a bloke , when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the RACV or the AA is not an option. I will win.

"Coz I'm a bloke , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another bloke shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix
these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

"Coz I'm a bloke, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

"Coz I'm a bloke, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

"Coz I'm a bloke, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

"Coz I'm a bloke, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator instead (applies to engineers only)

"Coz I'm a bloke, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex or pizza. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.

"Coz I'm a bloke, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . and if you are feeling amorous afterwards . . then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

"Coz I'm a bloke, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. It does not make your ass
look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

"Coz I'm a bloke, and this is, after all, the 21st century, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

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An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

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The woman applying for a job in a lemon orchard seemed to be far too qualified for the job; given her arts and education degrees from Sydney University and her jobs as a social worker and school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this:
"Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!"
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Falcons, barrack for Collingwood, and I voted for Malcolm Turnbull."..

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Delivery man on the M5 breaks down so he flags down Paddy. He says to him, "I've got six monkeys in the back. I'll give you £100 if you'll take them to Bristol Zoo for me." Paddy agrees. Two hours later he sees Paddy driving the opposite way with the monkeys still in the back! He flags him down and shouts across, "I thought I told you to take them to the Zoo?" Paddy says, "I did, but I had £30 left over, so I'm taking them to the Cinema now."