How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[Abraxix]

Originally Posted by layback40

an old man walks into the barbershop for shave and a
haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all
his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the
shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to
spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that
was the cleanest shave he's had in years.


But he wanted to know what would have happened if he
had swallowed that little ball


the barber replied,

"just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

noooooooooo

[layback40]

5 RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE
>
> Smart Man!!!
>
>
>
>
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> COWBOY TOMBSTONE
>
> Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery , Logan , Utah I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest?
> His five rules for a happy life are at the bottom.
>
> FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
>
> 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
>
> 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
>
> 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
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> 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
>
> 5. IT'S VERY, VERY IMPORTANT THAT THESE FOUR WOMEN DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER OR YOU COULD END UP DEAD LIKE ME.
>

[layback40]

Mother of all Jihadist Jokes


Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby'' says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though" the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear'' says the other.

''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily,
''he had such curly hair when he was born.''

''He's a martyr too'' says the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me . . . '' says the other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed.
He would have been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school''

''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .



"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

[Billnick]

Paddy is laying on his deathbed.
Beside him are 6 strapping young lads, the 7th is very thin, weedy and not good looking.
"Mary, tell me the 7th is mine, I'll forgive you if he's not, but just tell me truthfully before I die".
"I tell you the truth Paddy, yes, he is yours".
Paddy smiles, then dies contented.
Mary looks heavenward and says "thank God he didn't ask about the other six".-

[Banshee]

TWO PRAWNS

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea , two prawns were swimming around.


One called Justin and the other called Christian.


The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.


Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'


A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'


Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.


Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.


Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.


All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.


Justin began to realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.


While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.


He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.


With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.


Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal.


'Where's Christian?' he asked.


'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.


Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.


As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.


He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'


Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'


Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me, I've changed.'...















'I found Cod!


I'm a Prawn again Christian'


.

[layback40]

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a
sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over
his papers and says,

"This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your
recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is
unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.
However, a sales representative has a highly visible position,
and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off
potential customers. I'm sorry.... we can't hire you."

"But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop
winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins
pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms,
ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he
finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills,
and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this
is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees
womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy,
winking, and asked for aspirin?"

[layback40]

Road rage?
No ! Just an unreasonable person trying to take on a 4WD !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js3Tt7foFds