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21-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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She’s single . . . She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street in the rain and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door . . . I rushed to open it.
She looked at me and said, “I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk and have sex all night long!
Are you busy tonight?”
I immediately replied, “Nope, I’m free . . . I have no plans at all!”
Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?”
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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For the last two hours now there has been what I can only describe as 'do gooders' protesting outside my house. 'No to wind farms on our street' They keep shouting...I removed my wife's knickers from the washing line, and they moved on!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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The Wild Weekend!
An elderly man walks into a confessional.
Man: ‘I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.’
Priest: ‘Are you sorry for your sins?’Man: ‘What sins?’
Priest: ‘What kind of a Catholic are you?’
Man: ‘I’m Jewish.’
Priest: ‘Why are you telling me all this?’
Man: ‘I’m 92 years old … I’m telling everybody!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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It's annual superheroes new years party.
Batman and Spiderman are chatting.
All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.
...
"What’s up" asked Batman?
"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moaning and groaning.
I started feeling randy and thought what the hell and jumped on top of her!"
"Was she surprised?" asked Spiderman.
"Yes, but not as surprised as The Invisible Man.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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21-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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time for me to give up tap dancing - I fell in the sink and near broke my ankle
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
21-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Watermelon Farming
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch, and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.
The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation, and he puts up a sign that reads:
“WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!”
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
The farmer returned to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten.
But finds another sign that reads:
“NOW THERE ARE TWO!”
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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22-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,812 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,597
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Paddy is on his final question for a million pound with Chris Tarrent, he has only one life line left….Phone a friend. Paddy calls murphy with the question “Which bird does not make a nest?
A. Sparrow
B. Swallow
C. Blackbird
D. Cuckoo
Murphy answers “Be Jesus its a Cuckoo 100%” and Paddy wins a the million pound!
Afterwards Paddy rings Murphy and says “How the fook did you know that Murph?”
Murphy says “Well Paddy yer thick bastard..it lives in a fooking clock
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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