How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[Tyvokka]

NEW HOME WANTED !!!!! Found this on FB




This is Lexi, she’s an 8 week-old German Sheppard puppy.

I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife but it turns out she is allergic to dogs so I am now urgently looking to find her a new home.

She is 49 years old, a beautiful and caring woman who drives, is a great cook, good with kids and keeps a clean house....

[Tyvokka]

PRINCE CHARLES AND THE HOOKER -

Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he'd jog past a prostitute standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her Husband on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the hooker's street corner, Prince Charles realized she'd shout her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.

He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife and as they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker.

He tried to avoid the hooker's eyes as she watched them jog past.

Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five pounds, you tight b*stard?!"....

[Tyvokka]

[Tyvokka]

[bleetnblurt]

Originally Posted by tyvokka

oh yum yum ..............chooks bum lol.

[layback40]

I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

Learn sign language, it’s very handy.

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

White boards are remarkable.

[layback40]

Woman walks past building site and one builder says to another 'I'd gìve her one' She hears him and shouts at him 'men like you disgust me,what makes you think I'd ever have sex with you ?' The builder replies 'sex? What the fuck are you on about - I was marking you out of 10...