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24-08-2012
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RubiconSlammer
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Maitland NSW
Posts: 1,451 What Jeep do I drive?: WJ
Likes: 0
Liked 5 Times in 3 Posts
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The other day I was paying for some fuel and a drink at the servo,
When a bloke walked in and said "i need a new dipstick"
To that I replied " what son? Have you lost it?"
He looked at me and said "no... The one I have doesn't reach the oil"
They live amongst us... Multiply and VOTE!!!
__________________
Eat, sleep, & Jeep!
'98 XJ '62 J300
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24-08-2012
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,844 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,613
Liked 6,580 Times in 4,357 Posts
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Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the Bledisloe Cup
>and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor. "Hey doc, I
>dun't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu.
>
>The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that
>he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the
>only cure was testicular removal.
>"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"
>
>The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also
>advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.
>Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.
>Wiremu was devastated, but with the Bledisloe Cup just around the
>corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last
>opinion from someone he could trust.
>
>The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv
>prostate suckness ey"
>"What's the cure thin doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.
>"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."
>
>"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bastards
>wanted to take my test tickets off me!"
>
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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24-08-2012
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,844 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,613
Liked 6,580 Times in 4,357 Posts
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ARE YOU A BITCH?
Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.
The first guy says 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know...
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist'
The second guy says 'I'm a D.I.N.K., you know...
Double Income, No Kids.'
The third guy says, 'I'm a R.U.B . , you know....
Rich, Urban, Biker.'
They turn to the woman and ask her,
'What are you?''
She replies: 'I'm a W.I.F . E , you know...
Wash, Iron, Fetch, Etc.'
A second gal answers their question before they even ask it, 'B.I.T.C.H .'
What exactly is a BITCH?!? They ask in unison.
'Babe In Total Control of Herself.'
So ladies, next time somebody calls you a 'Bitch' SMILE, and say 'Thank You!!'
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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24-08-2012
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DetroitDemon
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Casino
Posts: 4,801 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 5,510
Liked 1,325 Times in 717 Posts
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LAYBACK... jesus mate....
I went dizzy after the two old blokes
__________________
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24-08-2012
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I just registered
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Traralgon
Posts: 10 What Jeep do I drive?: WK2
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
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This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
__________________
2012 WKII Grand Cherokee with Offroad Pack and Quadralift.
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25-08-2012
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CrawlerStar
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Plovdiv , Bulgaria
Posts: 272 What Jeep do I drive?: None
Likes: 3
Liked 2 Times in 2 Posts
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Cruiser, that brought tears to my eyes just reading it!!
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25-08-2012
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RubiconSlammer
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Maitland NSW
Posts: 1,451 What Jeep do I drive?: WJ
Likes: 0
Liked 5 Times in 3 Posts
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HA HA I could only read 2 lines at a time it was too funny xp
__________________
Eat, sleep, & Jeep!
'98 XJ '62 J300
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