How tuff are Aussie blokes? - Page 994 - AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM - AJOR


Go Back   AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM - AJOR > GENERAL > Off Topic Chitchat


Portal Register Forums Trading Your Jeep New Garage Mark All Read

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #7945  
Old 1 Week Ago
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 12,897
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,443
Liked 6,018 Times in 3,964 Posts
Default

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a ********** count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like is--first I tried we ma right hand, but nothing. en I tried we ma left hand, but still nothing. en I asked e wife for help. She tried we her right hand, en we her left, still nothing. She tried we her mooth, first we e teeth in, en we her teeth oot, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, e wifie next door an she tried too, first we both hands, en an armpit, an she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Ye, none of us could get e jar open."
__________________
98 & 01 XJ VMs
I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort. 10'000 Club
Likes: (1)
  #7946  
Old 1 Week Ago
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 12,897
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,443
Liked 6,018 Times in 3,964 Posts
Default

A family is at the dinner table.

The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of
boobs. In her 20s, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her
30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After
50, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Mum,
how many kinds of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiled and answered, "Well, dear, a man goes
through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree,
mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but
reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes. The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration!"
__________________
98 & 01 XJ VMs
I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort. 10'000 Club
Likes: (2)
  #7947  
Old 1 Day Ago
Banshee's Avatar
Banshee  Banshee is offline
SwampDigger
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Blue mountains, West of Hell
Posts: 3,720
What Jeep do I drive?: JK
Likes: 1,121
Liked 432 Times in 307 Posts
Default

Science Ideas that Deserve More Recognition:

1)
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

2)
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in Braille.

3) Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

4)
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

5)
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

6)
Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.

7) The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is that it's easier to go faster when you're always going downhill.

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
__________________
For sale: JKU Spderweb Shade.

Jeeps: Lego for grownups!
Likes: (1)
Post New Thread  Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On





All times are GMT +10. The time now is 11:21 AM.




AJOR does not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of AJOR or any entity associated with AJOR, nor should any advice be substituted as technical advice replacing that of a mechanic. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use AJOR to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, religious, political or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by AJOR. The owner, administrators and moderators of AJOR reserve the right to delete any message or members for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless AJOR, the administrators, moderators, and their agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s). The use of profile signatures to intentionally mislead or misdirect any member on this forum is not acceptable and may result in your account being suspended. Any trip that is organised through the AJOR forum is participated at your own risk. If you or your vehicle is damaged it is your responsibility, not that of the person that posted the thread, message or topic initiating the trip, nor the organisers of AJOR or moderators of any specific forum. This forum and associated website is the property of AJOR.





Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

AJOR 2002 - 2017 AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM. All corporate trademarked names and logos are property of their respective owners. Ausjeepoffroad is in no way associated with DaimlerChrysler Corporation or Fiat Jeep.
www.midlifemate.com wayalife.com jkwrangler.com ausjeepforum.com jk-forum.com canadianjeepoffroad.com 20secondgorilla.com
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=