Daily Funny.. Make me laugh

[bruggz351]

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week...'
The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at hisdoor.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country, and the politicians who run it!

BOTH POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES

NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN

AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

[bruggz351]

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica.

They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such,

when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say,

'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'

So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would beinterested in.

Dey makes you wild at sex.'

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.

The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'

The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes,

something his wife hadn't seen before!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table,

yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,

and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

[bruggz351]

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport, you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and;

if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.

[bruggz351]

Sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an “ID ten T” error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,

'An, “ID ten T” error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard .

[bruggz351]

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think..

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It's time to apply
The inheritance tax.

[bruggz351]

I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was “Where do women have the curliest hair”??

The answer I should have given was “ Fiji ”

[bruggz351]

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself ‘I’m having that’