How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

The teacher asked the class to use the word " fascinate " in a sentence.

Molly’s hand went up and she said, "At my granddad's farm, his pet sheep was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating?"

Sally raised her hand next. She said, "Rock City was fascinated". The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate."

But when Little Johnny raised his hand, the teacher hesitated because as we all know little Johnny burns teachers . Finally she decided he could not damage the word "fascinate "so she called on him.

Johnny said, My Aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!?

[layback40]

I invited my Muslim neighbours round to sit in our garden for a May Day BBQ.

Half way through, I informed the husband that his wife had been unfaithful to him, with lots of his mates.

To be honest.

She hadn't, but I needed my Rockery moving.

[layback40]

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex."

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid!"

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex."

My case comes up Friday.

[layback40]

A blonde was on holiday and driving through Darwin.
She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,
"Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own crocodile, so I can get a pair of shoes for free".
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try"!
The blonde headed out toward the river, determined to catch a crocodile!
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the river bank where he spots the same young blonde woman standing waist deep in the murky water, a shotgun in her hand
Just then, he spots a huge 3 metre croc swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy banks of the river.
Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the Croc onto it's back - Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out.........
" SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO"!

[layback40]

Teacher - Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?
Little Jimmy - Yes Miss, Trudy Glen
Teacher - No Jimmy, the most popular answer would be Maid Marion!
Little Jimmy - But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen!!......

[layback40]

My teacher pointed a ruler at me and said "At the end of this ruler is an idiot"
I got a detention for asking "Which end?"

[layback40]

"You can tell a lot about a person by the beer they drink" I said to a bloke at the bar."Really?" he replied, "so what can you tell about me?""You're a ********" I said."What makes you say that?" he asked.I said, "that's my beer you're drinking."