How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

As I went to reach for the largest cucumber in the supermarket a woman also went to grab it. "Oh yeah, I bet I know why you want the biggest one," I winked. "You've got me," she giggled, "do you fancy coming back to mine and watching?" "No thanks," I replied, "I've got better things to do with my time than stand watching a woman make sandwiches!!..

[layback40]

It was my first day working in the morgue and I was dreading seeing my first dead body."Please don't be a messy one." I thought.And then it came in.The stench was unbearable.I nearly vomited."********ing hell," I said to my colleague, "How long has he been dead?"
"Well Dave, Mr Ahmed was only killed 10 minutes ago."

[layback40]

A big game Hunter went on a Safari with his Wife and Mother-in-Law.
One morning while still deep in the Jungle, the hunter’s wife awakened to find her Mother gone.
She woke her husband and they both set off in search of the elderly woman.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight ... the mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a Lion.
”What are we going to do?” his horrified wife asked.
”Nothing,’ her Husband replied, “The Lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it!!

[layback40]

My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.
It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
"I'm confident in you babes just do what you did in the test" I said
She slowly started unzipping my trousers!!..

[layback40]

A woman is very distressed because she has not been married very long and yet her husband has lost interest in sex. So she goes to see her doctor and relays the problem.

The doctor doesn't seem worried at all and tells her that it is nothing serious, that her husband has merely lost his animal instincts. The doctor tells her to crumble some dog biscuits on her husband's cereal every morning without telling him, and little by little this will bring out the savage beast in him. He wishes her good luck and tells her to come back in a week with a progress report.

A week later the woman returns to the doctor, who asks how her husband is.

"He's dead," she replies.

"Dead?" the doctor asked.

"Yes. He was sitting in the driveway licking his balls, and I backed over him with the car.''

[layback40]

I told my girlfriend i had a cock like a computer.She asked if it was cos it had loads of ram and a hard drive.Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was actually microsoft and full of viruses!!.

[layback40]

I was wondering the other day what our parents must have done for entertainment before television was popular and affordable.I asked my 16 brothers and sisters if they had any ideas, but none of them could suggest an answer either.