How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven
dwarfs that she was going to bed. After the usual lengthy round of "Good
Nights," she went upstairs.
Immediately, all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each
others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was
Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see
in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was
doing.
After a minute or two he hollered down, "She's taking off her blouse!"
and this was echoed down the stack "taking off her blouse," "she's
taking off her blouse," "blouse is coming off," "taking off her blouse,"
etc.
Next Grumpy yelled, "She's taking off her skirt," which was followed by
the echoes "taking off her skirt," "she's taking off her skirt,"
"skirt's coming off," "taking off her skirt," etc.
Of course the next line from Grumpy was, "She's taking off her bra!" and
the echo chorus went down the line.
Then, "She's taking off her panties!" which again cascaded down the
dwarf tower.
Finally, Grumpy looked around and from his vantage height saw someone
coming through the woods, so he yelled, "Someone's coming!" And from the
next dwarf down to the bottom dwarf was heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me
too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too!!..

[layback40]

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f##k her again."

[layback40]

I bumped into my mate in the pub last night who was looking a bit glum, so I asked him what was up.
"Well, I can't afford anything anymore so I've had to cancel my golf and gym memberships, my Sky TV package and had to cut down on fags to 20 a week" he sighed.
"Because of the recession?" I asked.
"No" he replied. "I've been forced off benefits and made to get a f##king job!!!".........

[layback40]

It's been reported by the NHS that masturbating twice a week increases your life expectancy by 20% now i have done the calculations and found out that im immortal ....

[layback40]

I just explained Google images to my mum.

"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

[layback40]

Dating, "I'm just going to slip into something a little more comfortable = Stocking's, suspenders, fancy knickers and silk nightie.

Married, "I'm just going to slip into something a little more comfortable = Big pants, onsie, dressing gown and big fluffy bunny slippers

[layback40]

My wife said she's leaving me because I can't do anything right when it comes to housework.

Selfish bitch,it took me ages to mop that carpet.