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06-03-2012
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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I just read an article about a lady who makes ice cubes from left over wine.
I am so confused!
What the f# ck is left over wine?
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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06-03-2012
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Full Flexer
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: SE Melbourne
Posts: 691 What Jeep do I drive?: JK
Likes: 17
Liked 49 Times in 28 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layback40
WHY AUSSIE MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Aussie Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Aussie Men Are Just Happier People
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I can be President? Where do I apply?
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06-03-2012
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grahame
I can be President? Where do I apply?
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We dont have a President in Australia !!! The place is run by a red headed clown just like Macca's !! & not a milky bar in site !!!!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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08-03-2012
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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It was coming to the end of the day and sitting in his small, near deserted local pub in Mt. Isa, was an Aboriginal called Cactus.
He was having a few beers as usual when a short well dressed and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.
After three or four beers, the gay man leaned over towards Cactus and whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"
Cactus leaped up with fire in his eyes knocked the gay man off his stool and smacked the shit out of him. He dragged him out of the bar and left him bruised and battered in the car park
and returned to his seat at the bar.
Not entirely amazed at what just happened the barman quickly brought over another beer to Cactus and said, "I've never seen you react as badly as that before. What did he say to you?"
"I don't know," Cactus replied.. "Something about a job."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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08-03-2012
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I just registered
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Rivers NSW
Posts: 8 What Jeep do I drive?: WH
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layback40
WHY AUSSIE MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Aussie Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Aussie Men Are Just Happier People
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----------------------------------------
One more for the list
Men have 2 brains but only enough blood to supply one one a time
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08-03-2012
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SwampDigger
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Blue mountains, West of Hell
Posts: 3,765 What Jeep do I drive?: JK
Likes: 1,481
Liked 540 Times in 399 Posts
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A lawyer had just parked his BMW on the street in New York and had just opened the door to get out, when a taxi came past & took the door right off.
The lawyer leapt out of his car & started screaming at the taxi driver about the damage to his car, about how he was going to sue him for everything he had.
A passing cop had seen what happened & came over to the lawyer & said, "You lawyers! You're so materialistic!"
"What?". shouted the lawyer to the cop.
"You haven't even noticed that the taxi also took off your left arm.", replied the cop.
The lawyer looked down in horror & screamed, "MY ROLEX!"
__________________
Jeeps: Lego for grownups!
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08-03-2012
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DetroitDemon
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Casino
Posts: 4,801 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 5,510
Liked 1,325 Times in 717 Posts
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A Muslim at the Pearly Gates A Muslim dies, and by some error in handling ends up in heaven.
He`s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St-Peter who says sorry, but we don`t allow Muslims into Heaven.
What? replies the Muslim, and why not?
Well, we just don`t .......
The Muslim complains and carries on until St-Peter gets fed up.
Well, says St-Peter--have you ever done anything good in your life?
Ummm--the Muslim replies. Yes, the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children`s charity so I gave her ten quid. Last week I donated ten quid to the Cancer Society and a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave him ten quid also.
Alright then says St-Peter--wait here and I'll have a quick word with God.
Five minutes later St-Peter returns and says to the Muslim.
Listen, I`ve spoken with God and he agrees with me---
Here`s your 30 quid back, now ******** off
__________________
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