How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

"Dogs Welcome"

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a

Midwest town he planned to visit on his

Vacation. He wrote: I would very much like

To bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed

And very well behaved. Would you be willing

To permit me to keep him in my room with

Me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel

Owner, who wrote: SIR: "I've been operating

This hotel for many years. In all that time, I've

Never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes,

Silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never

Had to evict a dog in the middle of the night

For being drunk and disorderly. And I've never

Had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed,

Your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your

Dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay

Here, too."

[layback40]

Shot my first turkey yesterday!
Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section.
It was awesome! Gettin' old is so much fun...
Remember: Don't make old People mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

They asked me about those wretched durn flybys agin!

So I shot the turkey!

[layback40]

The BIKER.

MAKES YOU WANNA BE GOOD AND GO TO HEAVEN !!!!!

A biker dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with the Devil . . . .

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Biker : "What do you think? I'm in Hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

Biker : "Sure, I love to drink."

Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Monday that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover because you're dead anyway."

Biker : "Gee that sounds great!"

Satan: "You a smoker?"

Biker : "You better believe it."

Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"

Biker : "Wow...that's awesome!"

Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."

Biker : "Why, yes . . . as a matter of fact I do."

Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."

Biker : "Cool!"

Satan: "What about Drugs?"

Biker : "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"

Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day . . .. help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."

Biker : "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"

Biker : "No..."

Satan: "Ooooh . . . . Fridays are gonna be tough”.

[layback40]

As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers..

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'



I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless enquired,





'An, ID ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'





Eric grinned ..... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before ?





'No,' I replied.





'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:





ID10T





I used to like Eric, the little bastard.



if you're not a Senior yet then send this to one...

[layback40]

A friend of a friend of mine was sitting on a lawn chair sunning and

reading, when he was startled by a fairly late model car crashing through a

hedge and coming to rest on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat him on a lawn chair.



“My goodness” he exclaimed, “you are quite old to be driving!”

“Yes” the man replied, I am old enough that I don’t need a license anymore. ”



“The last time I went to my doctor he examined me, and asked if I had a driving license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors

out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw them in the wastebasket”.



”You won’t be needing this anymore”, he said.



"So I thanked him and left.”

[layback40]

An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.

A man asks What is wrong??

The boy says Me ma is dead.

Oh bejaysus the man says “Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you”?

The boy replies “No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment”.

[bruggz351]

LOL... doin well Layback..

Threads growin quite well.

My inbox has been very quiet lately