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  #3953  
Old 07-07-2015
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On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004.
Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros!!..
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  #3954  
Old 07-07-2015
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Anyone who says their Wedding Day was the best day of their Life clearly has never had 2 Chocolate Bars fall down at once from a Vending Machine...
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  #3955  
Old 07-07-2015
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A man on a long haul flight noticed the beautiful young woman sitting next to him was reading a book titled ''Strange but true sexual facts''. "Interesting?'' he asks. ''Yes'' she replies, ''For instance, did you know that the American Red Indian has the longest penis in the world and an Irishman has the thickest? Oh, I'm sorry" she continued, my name's Helen & yours?" ... ''Tonto O'Connor"
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  #3956  
Old 07-07-2015
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?”
“Eight”, the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those”
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  #3957  
Old 07-07-2015
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A golfer in Ireland
hooks his drive into the woods.. Searching for his ball, he finds a little
Leprechaun lying flat on his back, a bump on his head and golf ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer gets his water bottle from
the cart and pours
it over the little guy, reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three
wishes, so whaddye want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in
relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I
apologize.' And the
golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. ' I have to do
something for him. I'll give him the
three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs,
and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole,
he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for
him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,' the little guy
says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. 'I'm an
internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all
right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game,
ye know. And
tell me, how's yer money situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need
cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't
even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment,
and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
'C'mon now,' urged
the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to
know if I did a good job. How many
times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
'Once, sometimes
twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all?
Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for
a Catholic priest
in a small parish!!..
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  #3958  
Old 07-07-2015
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What rises 8 Inches when my wife goes into it at night ?............
the water level in the bath!!..
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  #3959  
Old 07-07-2015
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At 12pm today I finally plucked up the courage to phone Gamblers Anonymous.
They told me to phone back at 20/1.
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  #3960  
Old 08-07-2015
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A new vibrator has gone on sale.It's so realistic that just before the women reaches orgasm it cums,coughs,farts, goes limp then switches itself off!...
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