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Old 31-07-2015
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A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!!..
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  #4448  
Old 31-07-2015
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This girl came up to me and said " there is a rumour going around that you have a ten inch cock", I said " I know, I started it ".
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  #4449  
Old 31-07-2015
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Just as clichés were once particularly clever bon mots, so generalisations often contain more than a germ of truth.

We are not long back from our daughter’s graduation ceremony in Wollongong and I’ve been chewing over the usual culprits who come pushing up close behind you expecting you to either speed up beyond the posted limit, or, preferably, get out of their way.

It used to be people in Ford Territories that my son and I generalised about, but it seems these days to be the drivers of 4wd Ford Ranger utilities.

Now quite often 4wd utes will be driven by guys in their mid-to-late twenties to guys in their late thirties. Quite often the vehicles are jacked up with bull bars, multiple driving lights and towing a camper trailer. (Bear with me on this.)

Perhaps they are in a hurry to get away as far as possible for a long weekend of bush camping, otherwise known as “bogans in the bush”. However, this observation got me searching for a joke posted on the Caravaners (sic) Forum. I did a search on the forum but it seems to have been archived now, but I had kept it in One Note.

Here it is, enjoy, but don’t take it too seriously. By the way, camper trailers are generally towed by 4wd utes, though jacked up Patrols, Jeeps and Pajeros are also common used.:

Rules For Driving On Dirt Roads.

Rule #1
When approaching a vehicle stopped on the side of the road slow down so as not to spray dirt and gravel all over them.
Note: If towing a camper trailer Rule #1 does not apply.

Rule #2
When passing oncoming traffic slow down and move to the left to avoid stone damage.
Note: If towing a camper trailer Rule #2 does not apply.

Rule #3
When overtaking a slower vehicle wait until it slows and pulls over, then overtake at a moderate speed to avoid stone damage.
Note: If towing a camper trailer Rule #3 does not apply.

Rule #4
To preserve road conditions lower tyre pressures and reduce road speed.
Note: If towing a camper trailer Rule #4 does not apply, tyres should be inflated to the max and the vehicle driven at breakneck speed.

Rule #5
Do not enter a dust cloud until you have clear vision ahead, helps to prevent head on collisions.
Note: If towing a camper trailer Rule #5 does not apply.

Rule #6
In remote areas a friendly wave to passing vehicles is appreciated. Wave with the full hand, palm out and all fingers extended.
Note: If towing a camper trailer Rule #6 does not apply. Only the middle finger should be extended, in particular to those towing caravans.
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  #4450  
Old 31-07-2015
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The earth is rotating at over 1000 miles per hour, however humans don't feel the effect of it.
Until the ninth or tenth pint.
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Old 31-07-2015
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Don't you just f#$kin hate,when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache,and suddenly she's not your friend anymore!...
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  #4452  
Old 31-07-2015
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So there's talks of sending dentist Walter Palmer to prison.
Ironically where someone will be telling him to open wide!!.
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  #4453  
Old 31-07-2015
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A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!!..
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  #4454  
Old 31-07-2015
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Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored. The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it's an experiment worth trying.
The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ''I'm glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let's go in the other room and see how the girls got on!!.
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  #4455  
Old 31-07-2015
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Wife tried erotic suffocation on her husband the other night,when they were having sex.He obviously didn't like it,he's been lying there for 5 days now ,giving her the silent treatment!!
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