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  #49  
Old 11-02-2012
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This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.


Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but

the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.



Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.


The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked

on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let
off a fig bart.. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and

a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny
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  #50  
Old 11-02-2012
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The "Here After"
A young AJOR member (probably late teens) is out with a new girl.
After an interesting dinner (Macca's), they go for a drive up in the hills in his classic XJ.
In a nice secluded spot it stalls, he suggests they give the car a rest & have a chat.
After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, she advises that she is a strict Christian. She gets a Bible out of her hand bag & starts to quote all sorts of stuff.
You can imagine what this does for his ego!
After a while he manages to get a few words in & asks her what she understands about the "Here After"
She replies by quoting John & Peter & all sorts of stuff, all the while he sits there shaking his head.
Eventually out of frustration she says to him "Well what do you mean by the Here After"
He replies" Its quite simple really; If your not Here After the same thing that I am Here After, you will be Here After I leave" ............
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  #51  
Old 11-02-2012
SteveT  SteveT is offline
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On fire layback40.......Lol.......... Hard to keep-up..........
  #52  
Old 11-02-2012
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The chief woman 'Greenie Tree-Hugging Activist', who was responsible for getting 4WD's banned from National parks and State forests, was climbing a tree to have a look out over the forest when a Tawny Frogmouth Owl attacked her for invading its nesting site.

In a panic to escape, she slid down the tree, getting a great number of splinters lodged in her crotch area. In considerable pain she hurried to the nearest doctor, told him she was an environmentalist and how she got all the splinters.

The doctor listened with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She waited for 3 hours before the doctor reappeared. Angry, the woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'

'Well...' replied the doctor, '...I had to get permits from the Parks And Wildlife Service; the Wilderness Society and the Department
of Conservation and Land Management before I could remove 'old growth timber from a 'recreational area' . . .
I'm sorry but they all turned me down.'
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  #53  
Old 11-02-2012
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Two Victorians, Bob and Tom, were adrift in a lifeboat.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Bob stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp
vigorously and a genie came forth. This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Bob immediately blurted out,
"Turn the entire ocean into V.B. beer."
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into beer and the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Tom looked disgustedly at Bob whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Tom said,

"Nice going Bob! ... Now we're going to have to p!ss in the boat."
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  #54  
Old 11-02-2012
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A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck, only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Julia Gillard.

That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk!'
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  #55  
Old 12-02-2012
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CATHOLIC COFFEE MORNING IN ROME

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him
'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him
'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

















She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,


SLIM & TALL

40 D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS


























When she walks into a room, people say,

“ Oh MY God”
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  #56  
Old 12-02-2012
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I love these jokes. Keep em coming...............
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