How tuff are Aussie blokes? - Page 947 - AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand


Go Back   AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand > GENERAL > Off Topic Chitchat


Portal Register Forums Trading Your Jeep New Garage Mark All Read

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #7569  
Old 21-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

A woman by the name of Annie Taylor went to her doctor and told him that her husband was having trouble getting an erection. She asked Dr. Johnson if he could prescribe some viagra tablets to bring a bit of excitement to their lovemaking.
The doctor agreed and wrote out a prescription for six months worth.
Mrs Taylor went to the chemist and got her viagra tablets. Later that night, she put one tablet in her husband's drink and that night they made love.
The next night, she put two tablets in his drink and the sex was even better than the night before.
The next night, she put three tablets in his drink and the sex was mind blowing. They tried every position going and she had more orgasms than she had ever experienced before.
This went on for a few weeks and one night, she decided to empty the whole lot into his drink.
Six months later, Dr Johnson rang the family home and the phone was answered by her son Johnny. The doctor asked if everything was OK with his parents and Johnny replied, "Well, mum's dead, my sister has left home, the maid is pregnant, my arse is sore and dad is running round the back garden stark bollock naked shouting out, "Here Kitty Kitty!"
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (1)
  #7570  
Old 22-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

My mate said he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them. Personally I think he torques out his arse!!!...
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (3)
  #7571  
Old 23-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

The air Traffic Controller on duty in the air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft.A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a mobile phone.
He yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!"
The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone
Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic. Remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in
front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that's good, remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast. So how you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft: "The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar."
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7572  
Old 23-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen crying and cradling something in his hands. "Mommy, my turtle is dead," Little Johnny told his mother as he held the turtle out to her.
His mother kissed him on the head, then said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. I don't want you . . ." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Johnny your turtle is not dead after all."
"Oh," the boy said. "Can I kill it?"
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Sponsored Posts
  #7573  
Old 23-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

I was thinking...It's a funny old world we live in...We had Empires run by Emperors...Then we had Kingdoms run by Kings...Now we have Countries run by...???...
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7574  
Old 23-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.
I think I've strained my eyes...
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (2)
Sponsored Posts
  #7575  
Old 23-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

A lesbian goes to the doctors for a smear test.
The Doctor says "That's the cleanest vagina I've ever seen"!
The lesbian says "Thanks, I have a woman in twice a week."!..
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7576  
Old 24-05-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,277
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,075 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

Did anyone here about the cockeyed javelin thrower at the Olympics?
He never won fuck all but he kept the crowd on their feet !!.
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Post New Thread  Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


» Advertisements_AS2




Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3



All times are GMT +10. The time now is 11:00 AM.




AJOR does not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of AJOR or any entity associated with AJOR, nor should any advice be substituted as technical advice replacing that of a mechanic. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use AJOR to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, religious, political or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by AJOR. The owner, administrators and moderators of AJOR reserve the right to delete any message or members for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless AJOR, the administrators, moderators, and their agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s). The use of profile signatures to intentionally mislead or misdirect any member on this forum is not acceptable and may result in your account being suspended. Any trip that is organised through the AJOR forum is participated at your own risk. If you or your vehicle is damaged it is your responsibility, not that of the person that posted the thread, message or topic initiating the trip, nor the organisers of AJOR or moderators of any specific forum. This forum and associated website is the property of AJOR.





Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

AJOR 2002 - 2018 AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM. All corporate trademarked names and logos are property of their respective owners. Ausjeepoffroad is in no way associated with DaimlerChrysler Corporation or Fiat Jeep.
www.midlifemate.com wayalife.com jkwrangler.com ausjeepforum.com jk-forum.com canadianjeepoffroad.com cryptoprofitcalculator.net
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=